The List of Happiness

There was only one Ozzy Osbourne. Years ago I read he had a make or break meeting with the record executives but that “The meeting did not go well as he ended up dancing on the table and bit the head off a Dove.” Recently, watching a documentary Ozzy commented on the incident saying he had brought the doves to release as a peace offering but ended up so drunk in the meeting he bit the head off one instead!

The first minute of this sequence contains the "And that IS NOT IT!!" clip. (clearly someone had just told him the Cougar was behind him). We have been quoting that clip for weeks! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnEHMAhqUZM And the classic "Perfect Texture for Running".... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98mBl9d0dew

When reading Trevor Noah’s book about his South African childhood and could not stop laughing about the flies in the outhouse and the Name of their DJ crew’s best dancer. The “authentic Balinese experience” snake in one of his Netflix specials was also very funny. The book also highlights how much talent exists in the world but sadly never makes it, as Trevor presented TV and comedy specials to millions but was originally selling CD’s or street corners.

We once worked in the Turks and Caicos Islands on a project and my brother stepped outside to go for a run and a Vulture shat on him. After cleaning himself he set off again and was promptly chased by a pack of wild dogs and had to jump into thorn bushes and throw rocks to ward them off. He came back to the guest house with various scrapes and cuts at which point my Dad said “Oh yes I should have said there are a lot of wild dogs up near the LightHouse.” So the moral of the story is if you go outside and a Vulture Poos on you then simply turn around and go back inside for the rest of the day….

We’ll be taking off at Leeds and landing again at Leeds, as there is no point going anywhere else!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm6VC5gdaFA (Last one about Yorkshire I promise.....probably...)

One of our Sales team people once went down to a hotel lobby in Florida to complain that his TV remote was not fully working. It was late at night and the guy in front was complaining that someone had removed his ground floor room’s aircon unit so in theory anyone could crawl into his room from the car park. The reception people said that unfortunately the hotel was completely booked so the guest had the option of either staying in the room with the missing aircon or leaving the hotel in the dark.......the guest stayed…...and our sales guy decided the remote issue was not really worth reporting in comparison!

So many great jokes in Futurama but a couple of the best: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thGGl1D9HIU And when Fry is taking to the giant space Brain and it asks “Name?” and he says “Philip J Fry” and it replies “Is that the Philip J. Fry of Earth or the Philip J. Fry of Hovering Squid World 97A?” 

The Legendary Billy Connolly when interviewed one time said “You think you’re having a bad day?? I got told I had dementia and cancer on the same day!”

Superb stuff from I’m Gonna get you Sucka: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3848z_mTIxA But that still pales against the joke near the end where the hero’s mentor Slade (who has done everything perfectly throughout the entire film) climbs down a rope with a stick of dynamite...

The always excellent Ralph Fiennes in "In Bruges" when he talks to the thug about how he got injured by his own gun is brilliant. Ralph also starred in the "English Patient" which reminds me of Noel in Father Ted (for no real reason) blurting out the great line: "I LIKED the English Patient....very long and REALLY confusing but...".